I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
