Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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