saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
