I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
