it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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