Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
