You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
