just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
