my soul wont recognize me after tonight
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
