Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
