we're blogging at a bar
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
