Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
