i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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