Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize