Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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