I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
