Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
