Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
