I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
