Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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