I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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