it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
