we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
