I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
