best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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