is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
