Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I bet he comes in French.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
