You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
not ubering you a puppy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
