now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize