If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am one with the molecules
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
