Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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