shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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