Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
