her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
