I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
