You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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