he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
