i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
