im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
