Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
