He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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