i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
