Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
