Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
