Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
