This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
