just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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