Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize