I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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