I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
