final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
