then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
