the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize