Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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