are you still at the devil's house?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
