You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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