i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
be right there i have to get my cape
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
