just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
