You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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