Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
