just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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