it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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