I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
