While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
