Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
