With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
