allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
