last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
