I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
