How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
