Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
