Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
