You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Someone shit on the floor
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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