I think i peed on brittanys purse
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
