wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
