I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
