when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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